Pain

Some say that writers live as tortured souls. I doubt it. I don't know that writers have any more pain than anyone else. Jesus said, "The rain falls on the just and unjust alike." Everyone experiences pain in life. Writers may have an allergy to pain. Allergies occur when the body has increased sensitivity to an irritant. I do believe that writers by nature of their giftedness and the practice of that giftedness may experience pain more keenly than the general populace.

Some turn to alcohol or other drugs to kill the pain which I believe ranks as the biggest mistake a writer can make in life. I do my best writing writhing. For the writer facing pain does not mean developing a thick skin. If anything, the writer should want to feel more.

Some people talk about journaling as a means to deal with pain, to get it out of the mind and body on to a page. They feel unburdened. That particular benefit of journaling has never worked for me. I write with passion. When I journal I feel things more deeply, and I ingrain the pain deeper into my psyche. I learn and remember more when I write. I always take notes at church. Taking notes makes me process more, remember more, and apply more.

I have to exercise caution when I journal. In the past journaling has lead me to the edge of what I can handle. I turned to poetry for processing pain. When I write poetry I tend to get wrapped up in the beauty of the language and the beauty around me. That beauty balances the pain I feel inside. It keeps me a safe distance from the edge.

Recently I lost an opportunity to work for a relief agency that seemed like perfect fit for my passion and talent. They hired me. I met with the co-director. I told my family, friends, and even announced it on Facebook. And then they backed out without explanation or recourse. It all seemed so unfair, so calloused, so hurtful that I really felt at a loss to deal with it.

And so I wrote poetry. For some reason I found myself writing about a Bible personage named Joseph. Joseph's father favored him and gave him a coat of many colors. As a result his brothers hated him. They sold him into slavery. God blessed Joseph with wisdom and success in Egypt. A great famine came upon the earth. Joseph as a result of a dream from God had saved up seven years of food in Egypt. With that food Joseph saved his brothers and father from starvation. It's a poem about having a gift and living misunderstood by family and friends.

Here is that poem.

Recognize

I had a many colored coat
my blessing under cloth remote
judged by my covering
tossed in the pit my own brother's hovering
coat now tattered
sold, slaved, and battered

Stripped of all that mattered
a blessing exposed and scattered
past a family to a hurting world
as abuse from brothers hurled

Embrace pain
polish gifts from God's blessings gain
favor from God and man
free from coat, free to stand

to brothers who to me meant harm
I offer naked blessing's arm
the many colored coat gone
they see the future beyond

from my outer royal cloak still they shrink
can they ever see the real me I think
and remove the blue garb. I weep
your money keep

It's your brother it's me I'm the gift
the one from whom my coat rift
and exposed to develop a blessing
to all the world addressing

their needs met by God through me
now you see
the painful plan
enabled by a gracious God enacted by sinful man

Now let's eat
tell me can I my father meet
tell him my gift shines
of the colored coat remind

him of the son
dead, gone, in pit buried on eagles wings runs
his talent once hidden by coat gaudy
fully developed, gifted, now strong in both mind and body.

from a coated boy now man size
Do you him now recognize?

rollie aden 2010